Lavender tea

I am laying awake in my bed. I didn't drink my lavender tea you gave me to help me sleep.

I cannot sleep for thinking of you. I close my eyes and fell your lips on mine. I need your kisses so much that I ache without them. With each heartbeat I feel the pulse in my lips. How badly I need them! I need them no matter the season, the heat, the cold. I need them no matter where, a soothing beach, a windy street, a secluded corner of our universe. I long to feel their warmth and gentle touch. To be sheltered in your arms. To kiss you and keep you near, for eternity.

I didn't drink my lavender tea. Even if I did, I know I wouldn't find my sleep.

PHiZZ 270-units buckyball

I am very proud to present the latest model I folded: 270-unit buckyball made of Thomas Hull's PHiZZ units. This is the biggest model I have ever done (not counting 1000 cranes). The story of its creation is actually quite long. I first folded the ball some two years ago. 270 is not a small number and it took me fair amount of time to cut squares of paper, fold them and assemble. I was very optimistic and a bit overconfident. This is THE recipe for disaster, if I may call it so. I made three mistakes:
1. the paper from which the modules were folded was too soft,
2. I wasn't patient enough, so I started to assemble the model before all units were folded,
3. I thought, being a semi-mathematician and relying on my good logical skills, that it will be easy to figure out the proper three-colouring of the ball (the proper colouring means that no two units of the same colours are next to each other).
So I was in the middle of assembling when I realised that I have made a mistake with colouring and that I cannot figure it out as easily as I anticipated. To solve this problem, I sent a question to ever-reliable O-list and after some time got several replies. I even received an email from Mr. Hull himself, which was WOW! He sent me a paper with explanations on how to construct buckyballs and how to three-colour them.
Unfortunately, by the time I received these emails and found time to made missing modules and to continue with assembling the ball irreparably lost its shape because the soft paper was not able to support the weight. I cannot describe how frustrating this was! I was disappointed, dispirited and in the end very angry so that the poor ball ended up in the trash can instead of being proudly presented to a friend of mine as a gift for receiving his master's diploma.
After I had cooled down, not being a quitter, I decided to learn from my mistakes and to start over. This time I used copy/printing paper which is much more rigid. It took me ages to make the ball because I was not in the mood to cut 270 squares. This year I decided to finally finish the project, done what was left of the cutting, folded all modules and the assembled them. this time I was better prepared, ready to be infinitely patient and my effort was rewarded. It took some musing and brain stretching until three-colouring algorithm was clear to me, but then everything went smoothly.

I think that the final result is more than rewarding. The ball looks fantastic and I am so proud to have finished it after all.

Grown up

Growing pains? Perhaps. One day you are a person, the next you are a grownup (a Lawyer, a Mathematician, a Waiter, a Wife).

***

It's time to grow up. It's time to become serious. I'll be a righteous member of the grown-up society. It's easy. No problem at all. Starting today I'll just stop to be who I was yesterday and mould myself into the expectations. I'll forget my old friends. Why would I need them, when now I will have colleagues? We'll stick to two or three conversation topics that we pretend to have interest in, because we were told that we ought to. What a great change! I won't have to think what I'll say. I'll have several widely known phrases to choose from and just drop them when my turn comes to say something. No need to remember all those birth dates because there will be always that one person that makes her business to know such things and to inform us. I won't need to worry about funerals either, things will be taken care of by someone in the name of us all. When I said serious, I meant it. No more laughing, no more witty jokes. No need to overwork your brain, everything is already prescribed anyhow. We'll tell each other worn old jokes everyone already knows, make a grimace simulating mild amusement and that will be enough. It's the safe way. No one will miss our too clever points, or laugh if we end up saying something, well, not so clever after all.I will go out once a week. At the same time. With the same people. At the same posh place (the more posh the better). And look at the same posh people, posers, standing there to be noticed and never to notice. My fashion sense has to be appropriate. My new colleague-friends already have the list of places to shop at. They will be there for me to help me choose the best outfits that will fit in and consequently make me fit in. Is that too much to ask from life, to fit in? And yes, I will find a husband. Must do that soon before all appropriate ones are snatched. "How do you do. Tell me about yourself: income, position, ambition, wealth, real estate, family tree and references." Nothing without references! I plan to be an exemplary wife. To satisfy my husband's need not to be bothered after a hard day at work. Being a career woman too, I'll have to learn to balance my work and my motherly obligations. I've heard that the boarding schools do miracles for a child. The younger it is sent, the better chance in life it will have. Won't it be great to live this grown-up life?

***

Grey glasses for life. Different shades of grey, but nevertheless, same good old safe colour. The choice of masses. How sad, yet how true.